After managing to get so many readers with my previous article about boobs, I decided the best and more assured way to boost readership is to make sure all my articles have dirty, suggestive titles.

So without further ado let's talk about cats.

See, Facebook (the social media giant, not Leatherface's diary) has recently announced it's going to close down 83.09 million accounts--but not just any accounts, no sir. They'll be closing the accounts belonging to 83.09 million of America's computer-savvy felines, who (with a little assistance from their owners), created profiles so friends and family could keep up with their day-to-day lives.

Calling these kitty-run pages "fake accounts", Facebook has claimed that they are "misclassified", and thus started this cat-centric crusade to cleanse them from their computers... but you'll note the word "misclassified". Because, indeed, it is legal to have an account for your house pet--but only if you elevate your cat to celebrity status. Legally, a cat's profile must be a "fan page"--something usually reserved for a band, actor, movie, game, and so on. That means any cat who wants to share its going-on's with the world must do so under the unwavering gaze of its fans. I swear, can a cat get any privacy in today's world?

But while cats may be startlingly independent, don't think your cat can run an respectable page while you dick about on your own--if your account gets banned for any reason, your cat's page will be closed too. So make sure to stay on your best behavior... for your catís sake.

This news amused me. Cats and the internet are practically interchangeable, so seeing Facebook take what appears to be a step back for feline presence on the internet but instead (perhaps inadvertently) advances the catís celebrity status makes me smile. And if youíre wondering what the picture has to do with this articleóitís called the Huffington Post method. Look it up.

But it worked, right?